Thursday, January 12, 2017

What Should I Wear To Fight Zombies?

The zombies are coming, the zombies are coming, and you have nothing to wear.  It's a common problem.  Most people don't dress around the idea of participating in a Zombie Apocalypse.  But, when you expect Zombies as house guests, it is very important to dress for company.

Zombie Flash Mob - photo by [CC BY 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

Here are a few winning wardrobe ideas that will serve you well when zombies are expected for dinner:

1. Shoes for a Zombie Apocalypse.  In the world of business, men are often judged by their shoes.  Do they shine?  Are they finely made?  When the Zombies come, all such pretentiousness will be swept away.  You'll want shoes that allow you to move quickly, that are thick enough to stop a bite, that can kick or stomp on an opponent, and that don't hurt your feet on long marches.  Ultimately, you are going to want some sort of combat boot for your climate or, if you are a runner, some kind of trail running shoes.

2. Pants for a Zombie Apocalypse.  You don't want to be sitting around in your underwear when zombies come clawing at your door.  (It's o.k. now.  Don't get up.)  But, you are going to want some kind of heavy duty pants.  There are a couple of options.  You can go cowboy or commando.  If you go cowboy, you are going to want to get some heavy duty denim jeans that are thick enough to resist a bite.  If you go commando, you are going to want to get some tactical pants.  Tactical pants give you scratch and tear resistance, the ability to move around and jump, and extra pockets to carry all your survival gear.  If you are looking for tactical pants, you might check out these 5.11 Tactical Pants.  5.11 is a well respected brand in the prepping and police communities.

3. Shirts and Jackets for a Zombie Apocalypse.  When it comes to shirts, I think you are going to want a plain colored T-shirt covered with some sort of army jacket.  You'll have to pick the camouflage pattern that is best suited for your environment.  You'll think you look bad ass, but you'll probably look much like the late great Bob Hope in this picture.

4. Gloves for a Zombie Apocalypse.  When you are grappling with zombies, you are going to need some tactical gloves.  You'll probably want to get multiple pairs in case one gets Zombie gristle, brain goop, or blood on it.

5. Glasses for a Zombie Apocalypse.  If you are going to war against zombies, you are going to need to summon every ounce of bad ass in your system.  Kick ass Oakley sunglasses will definitely help.  Plus, they'll help you avoid getting stuff in an eye (shell casings, zombie bone fragments, kudzu vines, etc.).

6. Hats for a Zombie Apocalypse.  Finally, you are going to need some sort of helmet for a zombie apocalypse.  We've put out some guidance, but you are going to have to decide which kind of helmet is best.

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